Marriage Jokes :)

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger ?" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her Master’s.

A little boy asked his father,"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married ?" And the father replied, "I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it."

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?". Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why; but when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why?- Affair!?

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it."

A man inserted an ‘advertisement’ in the classifieds : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire."

Wife Quotes :)

· When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her. – David Bissonette

· After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
– Sacha Guitry

· By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher ! – Socrates

· Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from
achieving them. – Anonymous

· The great question… which I have not been able to answer…
is, ‘What does a woman want? – Dumas

· I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs
with me. – Sigmund Freud

· ‘Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time
to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,
soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
- Anonymous

· ‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It’s called marriage. – Sam Kinison

· ‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me,
and the second one didn’t.’ – James Holt McGavra

· Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
- Patrick Murra

· The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to
forget it once…. – Nash

· You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
- Anonymous

· My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Henny Youngman

· A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
- Rodney Dangerfield

· A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You
can have mine.’ – Anonymous

· First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’ – Anonymous